she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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