Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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