if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
