It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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