I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
