There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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