i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
