i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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