After last night, I could never be a politician.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
