No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
