my mouth tastes like poor choices
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize