she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
