I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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