i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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