the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
