can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
