if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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