remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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