Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
