I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
