I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
