my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
