So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
