And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
