So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
