seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I love having hate sex.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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