no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
