Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
