I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
