I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
