He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
