You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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