also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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