When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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