I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I pour the whiskey from now on
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
