As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
