Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
