I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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