hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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