Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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