we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
