ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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