ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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