im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Actions speak louder than pants.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
