i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
