How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize