Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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