im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
That's when you crack a 10am beer
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize