eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
