Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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