I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
