I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
