just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
