that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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