There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
