I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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