he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just googled if crying burns calories
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
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