As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize