i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
