...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
