Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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