Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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