Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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