Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
