i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
