Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
