if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
