I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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