I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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