My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
