Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
