Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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