I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
