I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
