She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
