remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
and you fell through a lawn chair
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
