I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Ambien. No doubt about it.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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