You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize