i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
